Well like yesterday, I am going to continue my journal, if you will, about my bible study by Jen Hatmaker.
Today was about trying to be our mothers, our grandmothers. And how what worked for them does not work for us as women. I gotta admit, she is right!! She posed the question tonite "Do I work out of the home but try to parent like a stay at home mom? or Do I feel like I do less for my husband then what my mother or grandmother did for their husbands?" Hmmm....she struck a nerve there in me. I have always over scheduled my life....and then I got married and I continued to over schedule my life...then I had Natalee and then I continued to over schedule my life. Even today I still feel like I over schedule myself. And while life changes, I am sitting in the past of my mother and grandmother. I should be doing the things they did "back then" and trying to fit the now in. She used the story in Mtw 9:16-17. The wine skins. I am trying to put new wine in old wine skins....and I am gonna burst! Jen writes "Once we accept this we can stretch as life fills us up. It's a choice of expectations."
Oh and then she slaps this question on me.."Where do you need to cut yourself some slack?" I don't care for that question very much. Cut myself some slack? Where? Really? The list is too long! I know I need to cut myself some slack. Especially when it comes to the whole part of trying to have the Perfect things. Perfectly clean house, perfectly groomed hair and skin, perfectly clean car (which is impossible with a 5yr old). I also need to cut myself some slack when I am tired. I need to let myself feel tired and rest. But WHEN I do I feel GUILTY!! There are those chains again.
Jen writes, "We learn from those who've walked before us. But we are not called to imitate our predecessors, because our contexts are different." Yeah she is right! I have learned alot form my mom and my grandmother, even my aunts and other woman in my life. Heck I often wonder how my friends seem to have it all together and I don't. What do they know that I don't know. I have come to realize that I am not my mom or the other women in my life...how could I be...I look at my circumstances and those of my predecessors. Sure we all fell on hard times. But back then times where different and raising a family was different. Grandma took odd jobs to fill in the gaps of money when she was raising 8 kids while my grandfather worked. My mom was the working mom, dad worked too and we were daycare kids and had after school at my aunt's house with my cousins until we were old enough to be on our own. Dad would have some jobs that would lay him off so I saw my mom take a part time job. I obviously come from a background of strong women. But even at that times are different now... Jen writes "Let's take their courage, their faith, their work ethic and allow God to pay it forward today". That is a refreshing thought! GOD isn't telling me to BE like them. I just need to realize that I am a new wineskin with new wine. And I can't fill the old wineskin with the new wine.
In closing, I remember how difficult it was for me to complete this day back when I first did this bible study. My gramma was alive then and my mom was still living out of town. But it wasn't as difficult this time. Probably because I am more receptive to what God's will is for me these days. I have to laugh to think that there are still some things I am working on. I chuckle because the things I am working on are different then before. And I will continue to work on them with His Grace.
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