I love this Chapter! I love it love it love it! I recall now that this is when I began to understand God's grace. And Jen Hatmaker, I have to say, broke it down for me! The biblical reference she used came from the book of Galatians. The book of Galatians is one of my favorites for some reason.
The title of the Chapter for day 4 is Curses. Yeah I know what kind of title is that...but believe me, it makes sense. She started out "How do you feel standing before God today? What do you think He is thinking of you?" Words like unworthy, sinner, not good enough, not worth it started to pop in my head. And I had to put the breaks on! Chains again!!! My thoughts are ridiculous and we all know where they were coming from too. The Enemy. He is trying to hold me down with chains and make me dance like a monkey for God. Didn't I just cover this the past few nights? Ha! So I sat back for a second an meditated on the questions asking God to help me search for the answer to these questions in my heart. I then felt blessed, grateful, filled with joy, loved, child of God, covered in Grace.
Jen next sentence was AMAZING to me. She writes, "The Enemy has us so confused about grace that we actually believe God's pleasure is based on what we do for Him." The Enemy makes us feel like we have to earn God's grace. "Pride convinces us that we are not good enough and everyone else isn't trying hard enough". So we are cursed. Cursed because we keep dancing for the wrong reasons, cursed by constantly not being holy enough to receive grace. And the list goes on and on....down to following the laws of the bible.
The following just sums it all up! Paul writes in Galatians 2:21, "I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through law, Christ died for nothing!" Jen continues to write, "If you are spinning your wheels for God, Christ died for nothing. If you control the level of affection God feels for you, then Christ died for nothing. If you are responsible for fixing your sin, then Christ died for nothing. If you prefer the chains of obligations over unearned freedom, Christ died for nothing."
I love the way this woman writes! She just breaks it down to a level of "Ahaa!" It makes so much sense! Grace is Grace is Grace is Grace! God freely gives it! We just have to accept it! God is throwing it at us and we need to grab it! If it wasn't for His grace, I would not be where I am today! "Pleasing God comes after grace, not before.", Jen writes. YOU CAN'T EARN GRACE!
For the longest time I thought I had to do good in order to receive His grace, to be saved. I had to earn my place in His sight. I have come to the conclusion I am SAVED by HIS GRACE! It makes me want to do things in His name, to testify, to pray for others...I don't feel "obligated". I feel honored that I am loved enough by God to receive His grace no matter what. It is an amazing feeling when you come to realize it. I hope and pray that one day you will experience this Ahaaa moment.
The fifth day is of reflection in Jen's book. Tomorrow, I will list all the biblical references. I hope you find the time to meditate on them too. Then there are two days off. I hope you have enjoyed this as much as I have. Thank you for letting me share this with you. I am looking forward to next week.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Next Step- Day 3
Tonite when I was doing my study by Jen Hatmaker, I laughed at the title of the day "Dancing Monkeys". I guess that was to be expected....especially with the day I had today. I was off of work and took the opportunity to hang out with my kid. It was a great day! But prior to us leaving, I caught up with two friends of mine and had to make a call to my boss about a situation at work, because it had to be dealt with before I came back on Friday. I felt....like I was a dancing monkey! Literally!
Jen's chapter tonite started out funny as usual. Comparisons of Barbie and how she changed throughout the years and ultimately we hate Barbie. She states, and I am paraphrasing here, that we try to keep up with Barbie...she was/is a ballerina, a surgeon, a police officer..I didn't know this but Barbie apparently ran for President at one point in the 90's. Barbie is sexy, invincible, and rich, Jen points out. She is right and when she states that Barbie better wipe that pretty little smile off of her face or else.....I sympathize and want to rip Barbie's head off too. Really!? How can she be so happy dancing for US?" She is everything that we desire to be as women. But...she is so happy! And she makes it look so darn easy cause she has a huge smile plastered on her face!
Jen asks the question: "Monkey, who are you dancing for?" Who am I dancing for? Who am I searching approval from? My mom, my friends, my husband? Strangers? Co-workers? "We beg them to validate us." she writes. And I agree with her. I don't realize how often I go through my day worried about disappointing someone. Or my favorite is when I walk in to a place, work especially, did I screw up and am I gonna hear about it? Really?! Kinda sounds like the Enemy talking to me again. Giving me self-doubt and esteem problems again.
The Scripture reference that Jen used tonite was 1Kings 18:16-39. I have to admit. I am not a big reader of the Old Testament. But I learned something very interesting tonite from this. You can't control the environment that is presented. You can't change the cranking boss, or the difficult aunt, or the distant father. "The only thing you can control is who you dance for."
Interesting....I can't change anything. Just who I dance for. I can exhaust myself dancing for a co-worker who doesn't think twice about my existence. Or exhaust myself looking for the praise of family that I barely speak to. Or I can choose to seek the approval of only one person. God. He is the only one. And the thing about only dancing for God is if it the worst mess of a dance, off beat, and just a train wreck of a dance. God still loves me. And He approves of me anyway just because I am dancing for Him.
"Discover that your value exists because God takes pleasure in you..." I couldn't agree with her more! She hit it on the nose!
Jen's chapter tonite started out funny as usual. Comparisons of Barbie and how she changed throughout the years and ultimately we hate Barbie. She states, and I am paraphrasing here, that we try to keep up with Barbie...she was/is a ballerina, a surgeon, a police officer..I didn't know this but Barbie apparently ran for President at one point in the 90's. Barbie is sexy, invincible, and rich, Jen points out. She is right and when she states that Barbie better wipe that pretty little smile off of her face or else.....I sympathize and want to rip Barbie's head off too. Really!? How can she be so happy dancing for US?" She is everything that we desire to be as women. But...she is so happy! And she makes it look so darn easy cause she has a huge smile plastered on her face!
Jen asks the question: "Monkey, who are you dancing for?" Who am I dancing for? Who am I searching approval from? My mom, my friends, my husband? Strangers? Co-workers? "We beg them to validate us." she writes. And I agree with her. I don't realize how often I go through my day worried about disappointing someone. Or my favorite is when I walk in to a place, work especially, did I screw up and am I gonna hear about it? Really?! Kinda sounds like the Enemy talking to me again. Giving me self-doubt and esteem problems again.
The Scripture reference that Jen used tonite was 1Kings 18:16-39. I have to admit. I am not a big reader of the Old Testament. But I learned something very interesting tonite from this. You can't control the environment that is presented. You can't change the cranking boss, or the difficult aunt, or the distant father. "The only thing you can control is who you dance for."
Interesting....I can't change anything. Just who I dance for. I can exhaust myself dancing for a co-worker who doesn't think twice about my existence. Or exhaust myself looking for the praise of family that I barely speak to. Or I can choose to seek the approval of only one person. God. He is the only one. And the thing about only dancing for God is if it the worst mess of a dance, off beat, and just a train wreck of a dance. God still loves me. And He approves of me anyway just because I am dancing for Him.
"Discover that your value exists because God takes pleasure in you..." I couldn't agree with her more! She hit it on the nose!
My Next Step- Day Two
Well like yesterday, I am going to continue my journal, if you will, about my bible study by Jen Hatmaker.
Today was about trying to be our mothers, our grandmothers. And how what worked for them does not work for us as women. I gotta admit, she is right!! She posed the question tonite "Do I work out of the home but try to parent like a stay at home mom? or Do I feel like I do less for my husband then what my mother or grandmother did for their husbands?" Hmmm....she struck a nerve there in me. I have always over scheduled my life....and then I got married and I continued to over schedule my life...then I had Natalee and then I continued to over schedule my life. Even today I still feel like I over schedule myself. And while life changes, I am sitting in the past of my mother and grandmother. I should be doing the things they did "back then" and trying to fit the now in. She used the story in Mtw 9:16-17. The wine skins. I am trying to put new wine in old wine skins....and I am gonna burst! Jen writes "Once we accept this we can stretch as life fills us up. It's a choice of expectations."
Oh and then she slaps this question on me.."Where do you need to cut yourself some slack?" I don't care for that question very much. Cut myself some slack? Where? Really? The list is too long! I know I need to cut myself some slack. Especially when it comes to the whole part of trying to have the Perfect things. Perfectly clean house, perfectly groomed hair and skin, perfectly clean car (which is impossible with a 5yr old). I also need to cut myself some slack when I am tired. I need to let myself feel tired and rest. But WHEN I do I feel GUILTY!! There are those chains again.
Jen writes, "We learn from those who've walked before us. But we are not called to imitate our predecessors, because our contexts are different." Yeah she is right! I have learned alot form my mom and my grandmother, even my aunts and other woman in my life. Heck I often wonder how my friends seem to have it all together and I don't. What do they know that I don't know. I have come to realize that I am not my mom or the other women in my life...how could I be...I look at my circumstances and those of my predecessors. Sure we all fell on hard times. But back then times where different and raising a family was different. Grandma took odd jobs to fill in the gaps of money when she was raising 8 kids while my grandfather worked. My mom was the working mom, dad worked too and we were daycare kids and had after school at my aunt's house with my cousins until we were old enough to be on our own. Dad would have some jobs that would lay him off so I saw my mom take a part time job. I obviously come from a background of strong women. But even at that times are different now... Jen writes "Let's take their courage, their faith, their work ethic and allow God to pay it forward today". That is a refreshing thought! GOD isn't telling me to BE like them. I just need to realize that I am a new wineskin with new wine. And I can't fill the old wineskin with the new wine.
In closing, I remember how difficult it was for me to complete this day back when I first did this bible study. My gramma was alive then and my mom was still living out of town. But it wasn't as difficult this time. Probably because I am more receptive to what God's will is for me these days. I have to laugh to think that there are still some things I am working on. I chuckle because the things I am working on are different then before. And I will continue to work on them with His Grace.
Today was about trying to be our mothers, our grandmothers. And how what worked for them does not work for us as women. I gotta admit, she is right!! She posed the question tonite "Do I work out of the home but try to parent like a stay at home mom? or Do I feel like I do less for my husband then what my mother or grandmother did for their husbands?" Hmmm....she struck a nerve there in me. I have always over scheduled my life....and then I got married and I continued to over schedule my life...then I had Natalee and then I continued to over schedule my life. Even today I still feel like I over schedule myself. And while life changes, I am sitting in the past of my mother and grandmother. I should be doing the things they did "back then" and trying to fit the now in. She used the story in Mtw 9:16-17. The wine skins. I am trying to put new wine in old wine skins....and I am gonna burst! Jen writes "Once we accept this we can stretch as life fills us up. It's a choice of expectations."
Oh and then she slaps this question on me.."Where do you need to cut yourself some slack?" I don't care for that question very much. Cut myself some slack? Where? Really? The list is too long! I know I need to cut myself some slack. Especially when it comes to the whole part of trying to have the Perfect things. Perfectly clean house, perfectly groomed hair and skin, perfectly clean car (which is impossible with a 5yr old). I also need to cut myself some slack when I am tired. I need to let myself feel tired and rest. But WHEN I do I feel GUILTY!! There are those chains again.
Jen writes, "We learn from those who've walked before us. But we are not called to imitate our predecessors, because our contexts are different." Yeah she is right! I have learned alot form my mom and my grandmother, even my aunts and other woman in my life. Heck I often wonder how my friends seem to have it all together and I don't. What do they know that I don't know. I have come to realize that I am not my mom or the other women in my life...how could I be...I look at my circumstances and those of my predecessors. Sure we all fell on hard times. But back then times where different and raising a family was different. Grandma took odd jobs to fill in the gaps of money when she was raising 8 kids while my grandfather worked. My mom was the working mom, dad worked too and we were daycare kids and had after school at my aunt's house with my cousins until we were old enough to be on our own. Dad would have some jobs that would lay him off so I saw my mom take a part time job. I obviously come from a background of strong women. But even at that times are different now... Jen writes "Let's take their courage, their faith, their work ethic and allow God to pay it forward today". That is a refreshing thought! GOD isn't telling me to BE like them. I just need to realize that I am a new wineskin with new wine. And I can't fill the old wineskin with the new wine.
In closing, I remember how difficult it was for me to complete this day back when I first did this bible study. My gramma was alive then and my mom was still living out of town. But it wasn't as difficult this time. Probably because I am more receptive to what God's will is for me these days. I have to laugh to think that there are still some things I am working on. I chuckle because the things I am working on are different then before. And I will continue to work on them with His Grace.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
My Next Step
With all that was going on I could barely get my head wrapped around anything! I could sit here and type away about the mindless stuff going on in my head...I call it "the committee"....anyway, the committee has told me how I am not very organized this week. Really? I knew that. And because I know that, I feel guilty. Ahh you have to love the Committee!!
So I was lead to revisit a bible study I did about 2 years ago. It is by Jen Hatmaker. It is titled Make Over: Revitalizing the Many Roles You Fill-A Modern Girls Bible Study, Refreshingly Unique. I loved it then and I love it now!!!! I love the way she writes. She writes in the "for real" and the "now". I can completely relate to it! What lead me to it was the fact that I am carrying some guilt in my life tonite (see above paragraph for the Committee).
I have decide to let you in on my journey this time. I mean let's be for real for a second...this is like a public journal! I might as well let you in on what I have learned...you might be inspired to get her book. She has tons...this was my first bible study I had done from her. And I just love them!
As I begin week one I chuckle at the Title: Jacked Up! That is exactly how I am feeling tonite! Jacked up! Day one (Today) discussed CHAINS. What goes through your head when you think of Chains? I think of being tied down and not able to move! Unless they are white gold chains adorned with diamonds...oops sorry. Anyway, in her study tonite I read something that really hit home for me. "Some of us have dragged them around for years: Cains of obligation, frustration, compulsion, weariness." Hey if you are a working mom...you get it...if you a mom...you get it...I believe with my WHOLE heart that any woman out there can relate. Single, Married, with or with out kids. WE get bogged down with these chains. I know I do.
She goes on to say, "No one applauds us for the way we mop........Our professional accomplishments are met at the door with 'What's for Dinner' ". I have felt that way too many times. Just this past week alone I have felt it!
I admire the way she pointed out this evening that God understands our frustration. "Just check out any page in the Old Testament for God's frustration." She writes. I realized as I read further that the more I let these chains keep me down there are people in my life that suffer. My family (who I try to take care of), my friends get neglected (because I don't feel like I have enough time) and God gets neglected (because I can get so exhausted that I run through a prayer sometimes like I am reciting a poem). She nailed that on the nose for me.
She ended the day with a great bible comparison. I fell in love with the verse from the New Testament, Phil 4:13, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. A lot of the scripture I read tonite was from Isaiah 40. But one stuck out.... Isaiah 40:31,But those who hope in the Lord will have renewed strength. Refreshing thought that God linked our Old and New Testaments! God is good!
Tonite I am aware that I am not superwoman and that I need to become more aware of the Committee in my head trying to pull me down by those chains...even if they are white gold and laden with diamonds. Chains that bind are just that! Chains! I am refreshed knowing that I will relearn how to move forward with these thoughts of being Superwoman. Because I am worn out! And I need God's grace to change my mind and heart about some things.
So I was lead to revisit a bible study I did about 2 years ago. It is by Jen Hatmaker. It is titled Make Over: Revitalizing the Many Roles You Fill-A Modern Girls Bible Study, Refreshingly Unique. I loved it then and I love it now!!!! I love the way she writes. She writes in the "for real" and the "now". I can completely relate to it! What lead me to it was the fact that I am carrying some guilt in my life tonite (see above paragraph for the Committee).
I have decide to let you in on my journey this time. I mean let's be for real for a second...this is like a public journal! I might as well let you in on what I have learned...you might be inspired to get her book. She has tons...this was my first bible study I had done from her. And I just love them!
As I begin week one I chuckle at the Title: Jacked Up! That is exactly how I am feeling tonite! Jacked up! Day one (Today) discussed CHAINS. What goes through your head when you think of Chains? I think of being tied down and not able to move! Unless they are white gold chains adorned with diamonds...oops sorry. Anyway, in her study tonite I read something that really hit home for me. "Some of us have dragged them around for years: Cains of obligation, frustration, compulsion, weariness." Hey if you are a working mom...you get it...if you a mom...you get it...I believe with my WHOLE heart that any woman out there can relate. Single, Married, with or with out kids. WE get bogged down with these chains. I know I do.
She goes on to say, "No one applauds us for the way we mop........Our professional accomplishments are met at the door with 'What's for Dinner' ". I have felt that way too many times. Just this past week alone I have felt it!
I admire the way she pointed out this evening that God understands our frustration. "Just check out any page in the Old Testament for God's frustration." She writes. I realized as I read further that the more I let these chains keep me down there are people in my life that suffer. My family (who I try to take care of), my friends get neglected (because I don't feel like I have enough time) and God gets neglected (because I can get so exhausted that I run through a prayer sometimes like I am reciting a poem). She nailed that on the nose for me.
She ended the day with a great bible comparison. I fell in love with the verse from the New Testament, Phil 4:13, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. A lot of the scripture I read tonite was from Isaiah 40. But one stuck out.... Isaiah 40:31,But those who hope in the Lord will have renewed strength. Refreshing thought that God linked our Old and New Testaments! God is good!
Tonite I am aware that I am not superwoman and that I need to become more aware of the Committee in my head trying to pull me down by those chains...even if they are white gold and laden with diamonds. Chains that bind are just that! Chains! I am refreshed knowing that I will relearn how to move forward with these thoughts of being Superwoman. Because I am worn out! And I need God's grace to change my mind and heart about some things.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Tomorrow is the Day!
Tomorrow is the day I will be Baptized! I am so full of emotion! So full of so many emotions.
Here is my testimony. I will posting more tomorrow! Happy Easter!
When I was an infant I was baptized and raised Catholic. Catholics do infant baptisms. I also had Natalee baptized Catholic. I didn't know where I was in my faith and I didn't know where I was going with my faith either. I knew I needed more than what was happening. About 5 years ago, a friend of mine told me about this church in Mundelein and my family and I went. And we kept going. We fell in love with the people there. The fellowship. The overall experience. Natalee loved going to church. That alone just melted my heart! Torrance's faith was growing and I could tell mine was too. I got involved in Women's Ministries, Missions, and I also attended many ladies bible studies. We participated in many doings at the church. Not just Sunday Worship.
God had a huge plan! I remember it very clearly. My husband was in Miami, FL with a friend of his and I took Natalee to church. God was speaking and HE WAS LOUD!!! It was one of those services that you could feel the Holy Spirit there. The kind that you feel like you are the only one in the room and the Pastor is talking to you…that kind. At one point during service, Pastor had asked us to bow our heads and if anyone here would like to receive Christ to look up at him. Tears poured from my face! I knew this is what I suppose to do! The door was wide open and Jesus was telling me to come in! And I did! I walked in the door...tears falling and on my knees. It was like a weight of YUCK was lifted off of my shoulders. I called my husband after service and cried on the phone with him then I just prayed.
I wish that I could tell you that it has all been peaches and cream since then. It hasn't. There have been times that I have turned my back on God. I chose to be tempted by the Enemy. I have done things that I am not too proud of. But found my way back. Re-dedicated my life to Christ and have asked for forgiveness and moved forward in my walk.
With all the hard times that had fallen on my family in the past year, I can stand here and say I would not be able to have made it through without Christ. When I didn’t know where the next dime would come from, Christ spoke to His people and there was money or food. When Torrance was in and out of the hospital several times, and I felt like I didn’t have the strength to carry on, Jesus reminded me of Philippians 4:13; that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. God is good! And there are many more examples of His greatness in my life. He has lead me to begin a Blog a few months ago, about His Grace. This is in hope of inspiring other women and working moms. Hoping that see they see Christ in me. To show them that they too can have Christ in their life. That Christ loves us for us! And we all have our daily yuck.
The week leading up to Palm Sunday, God was preparing me. I didn’t know it at the time but he was! That week was full of surprises. I was reading about forgiveness, and that evening at work, my ex-boss, well one of them, came through the drive thru. I didn’t realize that I had been harboring all this anger and hurt. When I saw her, I cried and I told her that I held nothing against her. A huge weight was lifted off of me. Then one morning, a customer was crying in her car when she pulled up to pay for her coffee. Her mother had a heart attack and then her sister went into labor all in the same morning…I asked her name and prayed for her right there in the window. One evening, I was chatting on face book with an old grammar school friend who is a brother in Christ. He was having a hard time dealing with some issues in his extended family. He felt guilty that he was angry with God. I was given the opportunity to minister to him and to pray with him. I felt honored to do that.
Then on Sunday, when Pastor Herb spoke of baptism and Jesus knocking on our hearts door…I honestly don’t think the knock could have gotten any louder. After 5 years from accepting Christ, I couldn’t imagine NOT publicly showing my commitment or love for Christ. HE is my Savior. HE is my ALL. I long for people to come to Christ because they see Christ in me.
So now what? I ask myself, and of Jesus….I don’t have an answer just yet. But I know that He has a wonderful plan for me and my story is nowhere near being complete. Not with all the people I come in contact with daily. So I ask of you now my brothers and sisters in Christ, please pray for me. Pray that I can continue to minister to others, that people will continue to see Christ in me and be inspired to know Christ’s love. My prayer for you is that you will continue to listen to Jesus when he speaks to you, and that you will continue to experience His Glory in your life as well.
Here is my testimony. I will posting more tomorrow! Happy Easter!
When I was an infant I was baptized and raised Catholic. Catholics do infant baptisms. I also had Natalee baptized Catholic. I didn't know where I was in my faith and I didn't know where I was going with my faith either. I knew I needed more than what was happening. About 5 years ago, a friend of mine told me about this church in Mundelein and my family and I went. And we kept going. We fell in love with the people there. The fellowship. The overall experience. Natalee loved going to church. That alone just melted my heart! Torrance's faith was growing and I could tell mine was too. I got involved in Women's Ministries, Missions, and I also attended many ladies bible studies. We participated in many doings at the church. Not just Sunday Worship.
God had a huge plan! I remember it very clearly. My husband was in Miami, FL with a friend of his and I took Natalee to church. God was speaking and HE WAS LOUD!!! It was one of those services that you could feel the Holy Spirit there. The kind that you feel like you are the only one in the room and the Pastor is talking to you…that kind. At one point during service, Pastor had asked us to bow our heads and if anyone here would like to receive Christ to look up at him. Tears poured from my face! I knew this is what I suppose to do! The door was wide open and Jesus was telling me to come in! And I did! I walked in the door...tears falling and on my knees. It was like a weight of YUCK was lifted off of my shoulders. I called my husband after service and cried on the phone with him then I just prayed.
I wish that I could tell you that it has all been peaches and cream since then. It hasn't. There have been times that I have turned my back on God. I chose to be tempted by the Enemy. I have done things that I am not too proud of. But found my way back. Re-dedicated my life to Christ and have asked for forgiveness and moved forward in my walk.
With all the hard times that had fallen on my family in the past year, I can stand here and say I would not be able to have made it through without Christ. When I didn’t know where the next dime would come from, Christ spoke to His people and there was money or food. When Torrance was in and out of the hospital several times, and I felt like I didn’t have the strength to carry on, Jesus reminded me of Philippians 4:13; that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. God is good! And there are many more examples of His greatness in my life. He has lead me to begin a Blog a few months ago, about His Grace. This is in hope of inspiring other women and working moms. Hoping that see they see Christ in me. To show them that they too can have Christ in their life. That Christ loves us for us! And we all have our daily yuck.
The week leading up to Palm Sunday, God was preparing me. I didn’t know it at the time but he was! That week was full of surprises. I was reading about forgiveness, and that evening at work, my ex-boss, well one of them, came through the drive thru. I didn’t realize that I had been harboring all this anger and hurt. When I saw her, I cried and I told her that I held nothing against her. A huge weight was lifted off of me. Then one morning, a customer was crying in her car when she pulled up to pay for her coffee. Her mother had a heart attack and then her sister went into labor all in the same morning…I asked her name and prayed for her right there in the window. One evening, I was chatting on face book with an old grammar school friend who is a brother in Christ. He was having a hard time dealing with some issues in his extended family. He felt guilty that he was angry with God. I was given the opportunity to minister to him and to pray with him. I felt honored to do that.
Then on Sunday, when Pastor Herb spoke of baptism and Jesus knocking on our hearts door…I honestly don’t think the knock could have gotten any louder. After 5 years from accepting Christ, I couldn’t imagine NOT publicly showing my commitment or love for Christ. HE is my Savior. HE is my ALL. I long for people to come to Christ because they see Christ in me.
So now what? I ask myself, and of Jesus….I don’t have an answer just yet. But I know that He has a wonderful plan for me and my story is nowhere near being complete. Not with all the people I come in contact with daily. So I ask of you now my brothers and sisters in Christ, please pray for me. Pray that I can continue to minister to others, that people will continue to see Christ in me and be inspired to know Christ’s love. My prayer for you is that you will continue to listen to Jesus when he speaks to you, and that you will continue to experience His Glory in your life as well.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Passive Aggressive Toilets
How are you suppose to maintain a Christian attitude when one of your supervisors is passive aggressive? No really. I need an answer here. I try very hard to maintain a positive Christian attitude. Treat people with respect and especially to people who are management. But really? Do think he could have made anymore obvious that he was being passive aggressive? You tell me.
Background....Headset on in drive though taking coffee orders and passing coffee out through window and taking money. Very use to the Shift Manager(SM) chiming in when I am with a customer with my head out the window...
SM: Are you gonna take that? (beeping in our headset)
ME: (Unable to answer him or the beep due to connecting with customer)
SM: (Takes order)......(To me)......I need you to take orders and work the register.
ME: I understand that....but I am use to someone if not the SM taking it if I am with a customer.
SM: Not in my store. I had one person doing both positions all day long. (He is a transfer form another store)
ME: Well okay, but I am just not use to it. (Very politely...and I was sincere)
SM: I'll finish this line...you can go clean the bathrooms.
REALLY? I didn't care if I had to clean the bathrooms...I actually don't mind it. It is easy and I have a little quiet down time. Not to mention...the bathrooms aren't really gross either. One toilet for women and men. Nice huh? Plus, it takes about 20-30 minutes.
So what I am I to do? I am gratefully employed buy a GREAT company. And if I had to clean our bathrooms for 8 hours each day I would do it gratefully because I have a job and praise God for the opportunity. But in the meantime I am getting tired of hearing about "Well in my store we did this" and "In my store we did that". Really? This isn't even YOUR store...That was never YOUR store...it is all Partners store and we take pride in it. And if it isn't the Partner's it is then the MANAGERS! Not a SM! Grrrr....see I am getting all worked up here.
I know I will need to talk to my manager about this, but this wasn't the only incident today. But the one that I just thought was the most obvious. And I will have to ask God for the guidance of the right words to come out of my mouth. I don't want to offend and I don't want to cause any drama! It is just coffee.
God if I have ever needed your Grace...it is now!
P.S. The bathrooms were already done today...I did them again and brought it to his attention that they looked great and I re-did them. And I told him that I loved doing the bathrooms! I don't think he liked that very much. I was just being honest and giving report! But I was not going to let him think he got the best of me!
Background....Headset on in drive though taking coffee orders and passing coffee out through window and taking money. Very use to the Shift Manager(SM) chiming in when I am with a customer with my head out the window...
SM: Are you gonna take that? (beeping in our headset)
ME: (Unable to answer him or the beep due to connecting with customer)
SM: (Takes order)......(To me)......I need you to take orders and work the register.
ME: I understand that....but I am use to someone if not the SM taking it if I am with a customer.
SM: Not in my store. I had one person doing both positions all day long. (He is a transfer form another store)
ME: Well okay, but I am just not use to it. (Very politely...and I was sincere)
SM: I'll finish this line...you can go clean the bathrooms.
REALLY? I didn't care if I had to clean the bathrooms...I actually don't mind it. It is easy and I have a little quiet down time. Not to mention...the bathrooms aren't really gross either. One toilet for women and men. Nice huh? Plus, it takes about 20-30 minutes.
So what I am I to do? I am gratefully employed buy a GREAT company. And if I had to clean our bathrooms for 8 hours each day I would do it gratefully because I have a job and praise God for the opportunity. But in the meantime I am getting tired of hearing about "Well in my store we did this" and "In my store we did that". Really? This isn't even YOUR store...That was never YOUR store...it is all Partners store and we take pride in it. And if it isn't the Partner's it is then the MANAGERS! Not a SM! Grrrr....see I am getting all worked up here.
I know I will need to talk to my manager about this, but this wasn't the only incident today. But the one that I just thought was the most obvious. And I will have to ask God for the guidance of the right words to come out of my mouth. I don't want to offend and I don't want to cause any drama! It is just coffee.
God if I have ever needed your Grace...it is now!
P.S. The bathrooms were already done today...I did them again and brought it to his attention that they looked great and I re-did them. And I told him that I loved doing the bathrooms! I don't think he liked that very much. I was just being honest and giving report! But I was not going to let him think he got the best of me!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
An Evening with Natalee
One thing that I have learned over time...being a mom is SOOO much fun! I was able to spend an unusual amount of time wit Natalee last night. Only because I am working and I just don't get that time that I want with her.
Here is what went down in my house....
Torrance went to do a basket of laundry (Lord love him).
I was preparing to get ready to workout and I asked Natalee to choose my workout. Now, I workout to DVDs that my husband bought me...BodyGospel! (Love it by the way...I get to praise the Lord and exercise His temple to make it stronger...all to Christian Music!)
I asked Natalee which one I should do...Power Praise, Gospel Glory, or Body Revival. That was mistake number one!!!! She chose Gospel glory....by the time I was done, I thought I was going to go meet our Saviour....whew! Never again will I let her choose....oh and she chose it cause she liked the title...what was I thinking!
Then it was off to the tub....we took our showers and got in our pajamas and cuddled up with a Junie B. Jones book. The conversations we were having was amazing! She is just this little girl with such a different look on life. Her bottom two teeth are loose and one of them is getting ready to come out. So there was alot of discussion about blood. The mind of a 5 yr old girl!
Then we started talking about how I should have another baby! Really!? She said she needs someone to play with. My word! I told her...I am not so sure about that...I am getting a little older blah blah blah...and then she said..."No your not mommy. Daddy is getting old...not you!" I laughed and laughed. Ahhh my girl!
Toward the end of our evening she said in a very gentle and perfect voice..."You are a cool mom!" All I could do was hug her and say thank you...I hope she remembers that when she is 13,14,15.....I will FOREVER hold that one close to my heart!!!
I so miss being at home with her full-time...but when I had that opportunity, I took it for granted. I have always said that I am quality over quantity kinda mom. And this was the best 3 hours I have spent with her! She is an amazing blessing to me. God truly blessed me when he chose me to be her mom!
I will continue to search for these moments and pray they happen more often. And that I recognize the opportunities...I can only do it with His Grace!
Here is what went down in my house....
Torrance went to do a basket of laundry (Lord love him).
I was preparing to get ready to workout and I asked Natalee to choose my workout. Now, I workout to DVDs that my husband bought me...BodyGospel! (Love it by the way...I get to praise the Lord and exercise His temple to make it stronger...all to Christian Music!)
I asked Natalee which one I should do...Power Praise, Gospel Glory, or Body Revival. That was mistake number one!!!! She chose Gospel glory....by the time I was done, I thought I was going to go meet our Saviour....whew! Never again will I let her choose....oh and she chose it cause she liked the title...what was I thinking!
Then it was off to the tub....we took our showers and got in our pajamas and cuddled up with a Junie B. Jones book. The conversations we were having was amazing! She is just this little girl with such a different look on life. Her bottom two teeth are loose and one of them is getting ready to come out. So there was alot of discussion about blood. The mind of a 5 yr old girl!
Then we started talking about how I should have another baby! Really!? She said she needs someone to play with. My word! I told her...I am not so sure about that...I am getting a little older blah blah blah...and then she said..."No your not mommy. Daddy is getting old...not you!" I laughed and laughed. Ahhh my girl!
Toward the end of our evening she said in a very gentle and perfect voice..."You are a cool mom!" All I could do was hug her and say thank you...I hope she remembers that when she is 13,14,15.....I will FOREVER hold that one close to my heart!!!
I so miss being at home with her full-time...but when I had that opportunity, I took it for granted. I have always said that I am quality over quantity kinda mom. And this was the best 3 hours I have spent with her! She is an amazing blessing to me. God truly blessed me when he chose me to be her mom!
I will continue to search for these moments and pray they happen more often. And that I recognize the opportunities...I can only do it with His Grace!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Decisions
I decided to come to Christ about 5 yrs ago. And when asked if I have ever been baptized I of course responded yes! When I was an infant, I was baptized and raised Catholic. Catholics do infant baptisms. I also had Natalee baptized Catholic...that was 5 years ago. I didn't know where I was in my faith and I didn't know where I was going with my faith either but I knew I needed God and that I wanted Natalee to know God. I knew I needed more than what was happening. A friend of mine told me about this church in Mundelein and my family and went. And we kept going. We fell in love with the people there. The fellowship. The overall experience. ( Just to let you know the song Word of God Speak by MercyMe is playing in the back ground right now and I am getting all choked up) Natalee loved going to church. That alone just melted my heart! Torrance's faith was growing and I could tell mine was too. I got involved in Women's Ministries, Missions, and I also attended many ladies bible studies. We participated in many doings at the church. Not just Sunday Worship.
God had a plan. A huge plan! I remember it very clear actually. My husband was in Miami, FL with a friend of his and I took Natalee to church. God was speaking and HE WAS LOUD!!! It was one of those services that you could feel the Holy Spirit there. At one point during service, Pastor asked (with our heads bowed) if anyone here would like to receive Christ. Tears poured from my face! I knew this is what I suppose to do! The door was wide open and Jesus was telling me to come in! And I did! I walked in the door...tears falling and on my knees. It was like a weight of YUCK was lifted off of my shoulders. I called my husband after service and cried on the phone with him and just prayed.
I wish that I could tell you that it has all been peaches and cream since then. It hasn't. There have been times that I have turned my back on God. Chose to be tempted by the Enemy. Done things that I am not to proud of. But found my way back. Re-dedicated my life to Christ and have asked for forgiveness and moved forward in my walk. This past week, has been full of surprises. And I can sit here and tell you that God had His hand in it all. Everything from becoming healthy, to seeing an old boss, to seeing old friends, to ministering to a brother in Christ. It has been God all along for the next great thing to happen in my life. I can't deny that! I just couldn't.
Today at service, we talked about how Palm Sunday and Praised God for all of his blessings. Then Pastor talked about Baptism. That it is a personal choice and that as long as you have excepted Christ, you are welcomed in the Kingdom. But my heart was swelling. Swelling and swelling. And about to burst. Pastor stated that there will be Baptisms during service on Easter Sunday and if anyone was interested to see him. Well...guess what. My heart was pounding! I knew this was my next step. I knew I needed to be Baptized. I already have received Christ, but to be baptized in front of my brothers and sisters...publicly...is an amazing gift that is being offered to me.
God's hand is truly in this! Not only is it Easter Sunday, but my husband's birthday, and the one day that the children will be in service the entire time. God is good! His timing is always perfect. It is always perfect.
God had a plan. A huge plan! I remember it very clear actually. My husband was in Miami, FL with a friend of his and I took Natalee to church. God was speaking and HE WAS LOUD!!! It was one of those services that you could feel the Holy Spirit there. At one point during service, Pastor asked (with our heads bowed) if anyone here would like to receive Christ. Tears poured from my face! I knew this is what I suppose to do! The door was wide open and Jesus was telling me to come in! And I did! I walked in the door...tears falling and on my knees. It was like a weight of YUCK was lifted off of my shoulders. I called my husband after service and cried on the phone with him and just prayed.
I wish that I could tell you that it has all been peaches and cream since then. It hasn't. There have been times that I have turned my back on God. Chose to be tempted by the Enemy. Done things that I am not to proud of. But found my way back. Re-dedicated my life to Christ and have asked for forgiveness and moved forward in my walk. This past week, has been full of surprises. And I can sit here and tell you that God had His hand in it all. Everything from becoming healthy, to seeing an old boss, to seeing old friends, to ministering to a brother in Christ. It has been God all along for the next great thing to happen in my life. I can't deny that! I just couldn't.
Today at service, we talked about how Palm Sunday and Praised God for all of his blessings. Then Pastor talked about Baptism. That it is a personal choice and that as long as you have excepted Christ, you are welcomed in the Kingdom. But my heart was swelling. Swelling and swelling. And about to burst. Pastor stated that there will be Baptisms during service on Easter Sunday and if anyone was interested to see him. Well...guess what. My heart was pounding! I knew this was my next step. I knew I needed to be Baptized. I already have received Christ, but to be baptized in front of my brothers and sisters...publicly...is an amazing gift that is being offered to me.
God's hand is truly in this! Not only is it Easter Sunday, but my husband's birthday, and the one day that the children will be in service the entire time. God is good! His timing is always perfect. It is always perfect.
Updated Look!
I have changed the background of my blog since this is Holy Week and leading up to Easter. It just felt like the right thing to do! And to my Jewish friends who do follow...A good Passover to you! Christ participated in the Last Supper which was the Passover supper.
May my sisters and brothers in Christ use these days leading up to Easter Sunday to spread the Gospel of our Lord! That is my prayer for the week for you.
Also, check out this great bible study I am following....it isn't too late to start it. The site will also adjust the calendar to fit. http://www.youversion.com/
By His Grace!
May my sisters and brothers in Christ use these days leading up to Easter Sunday to spread the Gospel of our Lord! That is my prayer for the week for you.
Also, check out this great bible study I am following....it isn't too late to start it. The site will also adjust the calendar to fit. http://www.youversion.com/
By His Grace!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Praying you through!
(Warning: My spell check isn't working....sorry)
I never felt like the type of person that would "minister" to others. Of course I want people to Christ in me, but I never thought that what I do or say to/for other people actually made a difference.
Tonite, a old friend of mine (we are talking back to grammer school here folks) thanked me and told me that he was honored to have me as a friend. See, he was having a rough night and frustrated with everyone including God. He is brother in Christ. I can understand the frustrations with God. I can understand being angry with God. I have been there. I still go there sometimes. But that is why God is so awesome. He understands and continues to love us.
Anyway, I was taken back by the warm thank you I received from him. I never realized how powerful the Holy Spirit can be until now. To be that vessel of hope and love that is needed it is an amazing feeling. I told him that I was the one who was honored to be his friend. It was truly a privallage to pray him through this time in his life. That he felt safe to let me go to God on his behalf. What an honor! What an honor!!
I have learned a great lesson from this. I can't continue to waste opportunities to minister to people the love of God. I need to become more diligant in prayer for others. And definetly praise God more often for giving me those opportunities.
A girlfriend of mine said to me once that the walk with Christ isn't easy. The Enemy doesn't like it and tempts you and tricks you and, well you know how the Enemy is. She was right! It isn't easy but because of God's unfailing love, He uses those times that are hard, when we fall, to bring us closer to Him. He doesn't make the problems, He carries us. And sometimes it is through others that we are carried and encouraged.
Lord, thank you for giving me the opportunity to be the vessel of hope and love that my friend needed. I know that your Holy Sprit will continue to guide us when we need it. Help me continue to tell of Your love, of Your mercy, and of Your Grace. In your name I pray. Amen.
I never felt like the type of person that would "minister" to others. Of course I want people to Christ in me, but I never thought that what I do or say to/for other people actually made a difference.
Tonite, a old friend of mine (we are talking back to grammer school here folks) thanked me and told me that he was honored to have me as a friend. See, he was having a rough night and frustrated with everyone including God. He is brother in Christ. I can understand the frustrations with God. I can understand being angry with God. I have been there. I still go there sometimes. But that is why God is so awesome. He understands and continues to love us.
Anyway, I was taken back by the warm thank you I received from him. I never realized how powerful the Holy Spirit can be until now. To be that vessel of hope and love that is needed it is an amazing feeling. I told him that I was the one who was honored to be his friend. It was truly a privallage to pray him through this time in his life. That he felt safe to let me go to God on his behalf. What an honor! What an honor!!
I have learned a great lesson from this. I can't continue to waste opportunities to minister to people the love of God. I need to become more diligant in prayer for others. And definetly praise God more often for giving me those opportunities.
A girlfriend of mine said to me once that the walk with Christ isn't easy. The Enemy doesn't like it and tempts you and tricks you and, well you know how the Enemy is. She was right! It isn't easy but because of God's unfailing love, He uses those times that are hard, when we fall, to bring us closer to Him. He doesn't make the problems, He carries us. And sometimes it is through others that we are carried and encouraged.
Lord, thank you for giving me the opportunity to be the vessel of hope and love that my friend needed. I know that your Holy Sprit will continue to guide us when we need it. Help me continue to tell of Your love, of Your mercy, and of Your Grace. In your name I pray. Amen.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Paying it forward...backwards!
The coolest thing happened today at work! The girl in the drive thru paid for the woman behind her. That woman did not know the lady behind her at all...just doing a nice thing. From what I understand this woman comes through our drive thru and just pays for whoever is behind her. Well today if that woman realized what she started...
For a sweep of 20 mins each person paid for the person behind them. All because ONE woman started it. Some people had cheaper orders that they were paying for and some paid for more expensive orders. It didn't matter to them. They all just felt as sense of needing to do it. And it made each person smile and then they wanted to pass that on! They last woman in the drive thru almost felt bad because there was no one behind her and tipped us well because of it.
It was a wonderful feeling to know that people can be kind to one another. And that it only takes one person to do it.
For a sweep of 20 mins each person paid for the person behind them. All because ONE woman started it. Some people had cheaper orders that they were paying for and some paid for more expensive orders. It didn't matter to them. They all just felt as sense of needing to do it. And it made each person smile and then they wanted to pass that on! They last woman in the drive thru almost felt bad because there was no one behind her and tipped us well because of it.
It was a wonderful feeling to know that people can be kind to one another. And that it only takes one person to do it.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Handling the Past
As you all know, I am in the midst of a career change. Fifteen years in Long Term Care and working with the elderly, working in social services and working with people with Alzheimer's, Activities, being a director and manager just did me in when I was a "budget cut" and let go after up rooting my family to move to a new a town. No more bitterness here I swear. I miss the environment and miss those residents that I worked with. I loved my staff and I felt that I had a great team too. But the "Do-er" of the "firing", was a woman that I thought was amazing. I understood her and why she did what she needed to do. My administrator, hated me. So my boss the Do-er, let me go...I have no hard feelings toward her at all...I have never been able to say it to her cause I honestly thought that she believed that I did all the HORRIBLE things that was listed on my termination paper. I just wanted the opportunity to tell her that I "forgive" her for letting me go, that I understand why she did what she had to do, and that I still think she is an amazing person. It has almost been a year...and I haven't been able to do it....until tonite.
So this is what happened. I am ending my shift at the local coffee shop and I am working the drive thru. I have this great headset and I am cleaning the oven and a call comes thru my set...."Thanks for stopping by this evening what can I get started for you?" I didn't recognize the voice and took her order. Walked to my window and BOOM!!!! There she was my old boss.
I just looked at her and said "Oh my Gosh!" She said she recognized my voice and etc...my eyes just filled with tears. Why? Cause I could finally let go of the pain and anger that I thought I wasn't harboring.
I told her that I didn't blame her for letting me go. That I understood why she did what she did. And that I was so happy that I saw her. And that I saw her at the drug store but didn't want to approach her cause I knew I would cry. She said something to me that I wasn't expecting....she said "Dawn, don't think you are worth what happened that day! You are so much more than that. I know that you wouldn't of done the things that were listed with intention. I just would of written you up and been done. But you know (name withheld) she gets her way!".
All this at my "new" job with no one around. I am crying out the drive through window.Who does that? Oh wait I do!
I breathed a sigh of relief! I felt so free. God led me to finally forgive her. Forgive her for something that I thought I was over and done with! But God knew. He knew I needed to release all the anger and frustration. That I thought I had let go of!
So this is what happened. I am ending my shift at the local coffee shop and I am working the drive thru. I have this great headset and I am cleaning the oven and a call comes thru my set...."Thanks for stopping by this evening what can I get started for you?" I didn't recognize the voice and took her order. Walked to my window and BOOM!!!! There she was my old boss.
I just looked at her and said "Oh my Gosh!" She said she recognized my voice and etc...my eyes just filled with tears. Why? Cause I could finally let go of the pain and anger that I thought I wasn't harboring.
I told her that I didn't blame her for letting me go. That I understood why she did what she did. And that I was so happy that I saw her. And that I saw her at the drug store but didn't want to approach her cause I knew I would cry. She said something to me that I wasn't expecting....she said "Dawn, don't think you are worth what happened that day! You are so much more than that. I know that you wouldn't of done the things that were listed with intention. I just would of written you up and been done. But you know (name withheld) she gets her way!".
All this at my "new" job with no one around. I am crying out the drive through window.Who does that? Oh wait I do!
I breathed a sigh of relief! I felt so free. God led me to finally forgive her. Forgive her for something that I thought I was over and done with! But God knew. He knew I needed to release all the anger and frustration. That I thought I had let go of!
Winding down to Wind up!
What an amazing weekend I had. Just amazing. I am truly blessed with family and friends that are just placed in my life to be with me on the path that God has me on. In the midst of all this glory it is time though for me to get real! This past week I have had to deal with unpleasantness of anger, forgiveness, and sadness. But by His Grace, I am hear to speak of it.
As I am writing this I am trying to put all my thoughts together....I hear some laughing out there.
Laughter. Laughter is a beautiful gift that God has given us. I love to laugh. I love to laugh until I cry and until it hurts. I love to laugh! Jessi and Derrick did that for me on Friday. There is nothing like old friends getting together with good food and good wine (don't go getting all biblical on me now) that can do that to you! And they just LOVE Natalee...heck I was 7 months pregnant with Natalee when I stood up in there wedding. And yes, I did the cha-cha slide! Oh and how we all met....that is a whole other story. But they reminded me that laughter and love is the most amazing gift there is. And they give it so freely!
Then I throw a shift of work in and I ended up working with great understanding people this day! It was like I needed to have an easy day...however, if one more person ordered a Frappaccino, I was going to scream...really people it is 70 degrees...not 90....may God lay his Grace on me when the summer comes cause it is just gonna be ridiculous! I may lose my patience!
And now we have Sunday and of course Worship! I think my bedroom was bugged. While we were getting ready for church, Torrance and I were taking about the Children's program and how I grew up Catholic and he grew up Apostolic. And the differences between then for us and now for Natalee. Well, wouldn't you know that is what the Sermon was about today!! Family and praying for our families to grow in the teachings and the love of Christ. We were floored. we spoke to Pastor about that and it was funny his reaction after I "accused" him of bugging my house". He said yes I did...with the Holy Spirits help! And of course the fellowship to follow during potluck! Just amazing.
The weekend has finally come to a close and the work week has finally come back. I am ready. I am organized and I am revived.
Such the blessings that have poured in and out this weekend! God is good! Very Good!
As I am writing this I am trying to put all my thoughts together....I hear some laughing out there.
Laughter. Laughter is a beautiful gift that God has given us. I love to laugh. I love to laugh until I cry and until it hurts. I love to laugh! Jessi and Derrick did that for me on Friday. There is nothing like old friends getting together with good food and good wine (don't go getting all biblical on me now) that can do that to you! And they just LOVE Natalee...heck I was 7 months pregnant with Natalee when I stood up in there wedding. And yes, I did the cha-cha slide! Oh and how we all met....that is a whole other story. But they reminded me that laughter and love is the most amazing gift there is. And they give it so freely!
Then I throw a shift of work in and I ended up working with great understanding people this day! It was like I needed to have an easy day...however, if one more person ordered a Frappaccino, I was going to scream...really people it is 70 degrees...not 90....may God lay his Grace on me when the summer comes cause it is just gonna be ridiculous! I may lose my patience!
And now we have Sunday and of course Worship! I think my bedroom was bugged. While we were getting ready for church, Torrance and I were taking about the Children's program and how I grew up Catholic and he grew up Apostolic. And the differences between then for us and now for Natalee. Well, wouldn't you know that is what the Sermon was about today!! Family and praying for our families to grow in the teachings and the love of Christ. We were floored. we spoke to Pastor about that and it was funny his reaction after I "accused" him of bugging my house". He said yes I did...with the Holy Spirits help! And of course the fellowship to follow during potluck! Just amazing.
The weekend has finally come to a close and the work week has finally come back. I am ready. I am organized and I am revived.
Such the blessings that have poured in and out this weekend! God is good! Very Good!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
MY CALENDAR WORKS!
So we all know that life for me is busy. But I had a few choices to make. The past three days have been rough but I got through...today I actually stuck to what my planner said. I worked, to care of dinner for my family and then proceeded to get my work out in! That is huge for me. I was even able to read Junie B. Jones to her tonight. It was a absolutely wonderful day! My calendar works!!! It really does work. I tell you that this modern tool is absolutely amazing!
I am actually blogging before 11pm...I am enjoying a great cup of tea. Life is good...by His Grace!
I am actually blogging before 11pm...I am enjoying a great cup of tea. Life is good...by His Grace!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
If I could only skip the nap!
Love my husband. VERY VERY VERY much! I had to work at 7am and I actually had to get up at 5am to work out....yay for me! And work was good. I came home after running some errands for about an hour...prescriptions and so on! I came in and said my hellos, discussed dinner and then sat on the couch while my husband and daughter put her princess tent up on the balcony so she can play. They really are two peas in a pod. I smiled at my husband and said...Do you mind if I lay down for awhile? His reply was go for it! So I laid down for about 2 hours!!! It was suppose to be a 1/2 hour 45 min nap....not so much apparently.
Now I find myself awake and needing to be up at 5am do to having to start at 6am....sigh!
It was the nap. I am not sleepy. And my anti-anxiety hasn't exactly kicked in. I was able to spend some quality time with my husband after Natalee went to bed which was wonderful!
With this whole getting organized thing I am learning to put it together. I need to keep ny appts with myself to workout and plan for that me time. I can only do that with His grace.
Now I find myself awake and needing to be up at 5am do to having to start at 6am....sigh!
It was the nap. I am not sleepy. And my anti-anxiety hasn't exactly kicked in. I was able to spend some quality time with my husband after Natalee went to bed which was wonderful!
With this whole getting organized thing I am learning to put it together. I need to keep ny appts with myself to workout and plan for that me time. I can only do that with His grace.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Asking for Help
So I am feeling better now. I have prayed about my anger issue and even brought it to the alter at church today. Feeling much better. Not many answers, but I need to remember that it is in His time that it will all unfold. And thank you for your prayers.
I am working on placing the agenda of my life together...and that would be the day to day scheduling. I blogged not too long ago about the miracle invention of the calendar and day planner...I am getting better. But recently I have found myself running out of time still and crossing off my workouts. Not smart with for someone who has a significant amount of weight to lose. So I asked my online coach to help me out. I am a borderline stay at home mom and I almost work part-time (depending on the week). There is no set schedule in my life. Just days off from work. My husband (who has recovered slightly) has pitched in more than I thought he could. I am little stubborn and hard headed anyway and feel the need to be SUPER MOM!
But today I am grateful that I am learning to ask for help. Torrance will tell me if he can or can't do something. Just like I would tell him. I learning to let go of some over bearing mothering I tend to do for Natalee...she is 5 and capable of more than I am willing to admit. Torrance is better at that part than I am any day.
Lord, thank you for your revelations of time and patience. Thank you for Your glorious mercies everyday. I need your guidance and strength to keep to a schedule that is beneficial for myself and for my family. Lord, my family is yours and with You grace I need to continue to ask for help when I need it. I need to ask for guidance and prayer when needed as well. I ask for you continued guidance and grace to lead me through the day. Thank you Lord for all that You are. In Your name. Amen.
I am working on placing the agenda of my life together...and that would be the day to day scheduling. I blogged not too long ago about the miracle invention of the calendar and day planner...I am getting better. But recently I have found myself running out of time still and crossing off my workouts. Not smart with for someone who has a significant amount of weight to lose. So I asked my online coach to help me out. I am a borderline stay at home mom and I almost work part-time (depending on the week). There is no set schedule in my life. Just days off from work. My husband (who has recovered slightly) has pitched in more than I thought he could. I am little stubborn and hard headed anyway and feel the need to be SUPER MOM!
But today I am grateful that I am learning to ask for help. Torrance will tell me if he can or can't do something. Just like I would tell him. I learning to let go of some over bearing mothering I tend to do for Natalee...she is 5 and capable of more than I am willing to admit. Torrance is better at that part than I am any day.
Lord, thank you for your revelations of time and patience. Thank you for Your glorious mercies everyday. I need your guidance and strength to keep to a schedule that is beneficial for myself and for my family. Lord, my family is yours and with You grace I need to continue to ask for help when I need it. I need to ask for guidance and prayer when needed as well. I ask for you continued guidance and grace to lead me through the day. Thank you Lord for all that You are. In Your name. Amen.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Positive Anger?
Can you have positive anger? I am asking that exact question to myself today.
I know I am angry. I know why I am angry. But are my future actions to seek justice or revenge?
How can I tell the difference between the two? I honestly do not have an answer for these questions. I know that we feel angry because of a wrong that has directly or indirectly happened to us or someone that we know/love. "Anger isn't bad. It is an awareness" a good friend of mine stated. And I agree.
The next thing I need to think about is how to move forward. Is it a personal revenge? Or is it a moral and ethical wrong that needs to be stopped. And then how much action do I take? When do I just stop? Am I willing to deal with any other issues that may come up?
I ask that you pray for me. Pray that I may have these pending answers revealed to me. Only God can sort this out for me. His Grace can reveal it. I want to do His will. I want to serve the people that I feel have been wrong. I need the guidance of the Holy Spirit at this time. I need to know if it is revenge I seek or if it is justice. Then I need to know how to pursue in a Christian and loving manner with His will in mind.
Anger is the Devil's playground. The Enemy can twist it and make things worse then they are. The Enemy can feed off of anger if not properly handled and that is what revenge is made of. At lease that is how I see it.
So I ask that you pray. Pray for me. I can only do this by His Grace!
I know I am angry. I know why I am angry. But are my future actions to seek justice or revenge?
How can I tell the difference between the two? I honestly do not have an answer for these questions. I know that we feel angry because of a wrong that has directly or indirectly happened to us or someone that we know/love. "Anger isn't bad. It is an awareness" a good friend of mine stated. And I agree.
The next thing I need to think about is how to move forward. Is it a personal revenge? Or is it a moral and ethical wrong that needs to be stopped. And then how much action do I take? When do I just stop? Am I willing to deal with any other issues that may come up?
I ask that you pray for me. Pray that I may have these pending answers revealed to me. Only God can sort this out for me. His Grace can reveal it. I want to do His will. I want to serve the people that I feel have been wrong. I need the guidance of the Holy Spirit at this time. I need to know if it is revenge I seek or if it is justice. Then I need to know how to pursue in a Christian and loving manner with His will in mind.
Anger is the Devil's playground. The Enemy can twist it and make things worse then they are. The Enemy can feed off of anger if not properly handled and that is what revenge is made of. At lease that is how I see it.
So I ask that you pray. Pray for me. I can only do this by His Grace!
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