The Things My Daughter Says

My kid just cracks me up!! The things that come out of her mouth sometimes just makes me think, "Where did that come from?". As she is getting older, she has her likes and dislikes. She has become quite vocal too. Most of it is silly stuff. But just recently, as my family was taking me to work, she is states that she wants to go to a Christian school when she goes to first grade. Now that just melted my heart! My husband and I glanced at each other and just smiled. God was talking to her! Then BOOM! Reality hit! That means there is tuition and fees! And I started to panic and was looking for the easy button to press and then looking for the emergency exit (mind you I am in my car) and then floating dollar bills were in my sight and they were laughing at me and I had to swat at them cause ya know talking dollars can't be good! I should of put them in my pocket- You get what I was going through. My thoughts were racing!!

Okay, I had to clear my mind cause I know if I don't, the Enemy will take over! All HOPE isn't lost! I looked at a few schools on the mighty Internet...and there are some VERY expensive ones and then some that can be more manageable. There are some open houses to attend and there is financial aid and scholarships.... take that Satan! You are not going to take my HOPE!

Being that my daughter is an only child, I feel like I am stuck in a place of GIVE HER EVERYTHING and DO NOT SPOIL.... man that is hard!!! She doesn't ask for much...I mean she asked for a brother or sister but that isn't happening. So I guess I will have to really try to make this happen for her. I want her to have a great education and while she is excelling and dong well in the school she is in, I have to allow her to make choices... SHE is six! And I just feel like this has got to be one of the best choices she could make...and a request that isn't bad! For a six year old. I can only imagine future requests as she becomes a teenager.

When I took my current job, there were so many road blocks. And a good friend of mine said to me "If you are to do it, God will make a way for you!" And of course she was right! I am there and the way was made for me. So I can only say, if it is meant for Natalee to go to a Christian school...then God will make a way.

I suppose this is another lesson of trust. God always finds the moments to sneak them in! And to speak to me through my daughter...ooh He is good. I will continue to have trust that God will make a way if it is His will. I know God has an amazing plan for Natalee's life and I can't wait to see it all unfold. And it may all begin with this simple request.... "Mommy, I want to go to a Christian school for first grade." And through His strength and his grace, it may just happen...if I let go and let God make the way. Not only am I covered in his grace, but so is she!

Happy New Year...God is Good!

Happy New Year! I can't believe it has been two months since I last blogged! With the holidays and starting a new job...I have been busy! I miss writing though. And God has been weighing a few things on my heart lately and I need to share them!

Christmas was almost not possible in my house. And you moms out there know exactly what I mean! The money wasn't there for Santa to come. I have always made sure that my daughter understands the true meaning of Christmas...but she is six and still expects Santa to come. It was one week before Christmas and a dear sister in Christ called me and asked me if she can see me. She had a pound of coffee to give me and a big Christmas hug. I just love her! She handed me a bag of groceries and a card. I started to cry right there. And then she hugged me and left...and yes she still gave me coffee. After unpacking the groceries, I opened the card. And out fell $100. I balled right there in my kitchen. I could now have Christmas. And Santa could come. I talked with her and she said God had been putting this on her and her husbands heart. And she knew she needed to do this. Needless to say Christmas morning was great! Thanks to my Christmas Angel!

It has been a rough year and my chuch family has been amazing! Absolutly amazing! I am just about caught up financially because of the love that has poured out. If there is one thing I have learned this past year is humility and how to humble myself. To accept the fact that I need help and to ask for it! I honestly believe that God answers prayers through others! God is amazing! I do not know where I would be at this time with my family if I did not know God! I learned alot this past year...yes I have. That you need to have hope and give hope. I know that one day I will be able to help another person. I didn't like being on the recieving end in a food pantry. Or the family to go to the pastor and ask for money. But God produes miracles everyday! EVERYDAY!  Why wouldn't He? He is God.

On a final note...the other thing that has been on my heart is that God is so amazing that He deserves so much Praise. Just like the Word says. Praise God! Praise him with your whole heart...sing, shout, dance! Cry and laugh when you prasie God. Show your praise to God in the most special way to you! I praise God putting some praise and worship music on and singing with my heart to God! If I am in the car, at home, etc. And I feel good praising Him. Refreshed and happy. It is like God recharges me.

Happy New Year! Praise the Lord! For He is good and His mercy and grace is amazing! And we are covered by His grace!

Ten Years...why do it again?

My husband and I renewed our vows this past weekend. It was the most beautiful thing we could have ever given each other for our anniversary! I was a simple, intimate, celebration of our marriage. It was perfect.  The lunch at the end wasn't that bad either. haha!

Here is an excerpt of my vows to my husband:

Ten years ago, I married my best friend, my confidant, my soul mate. That is true today, as well as a confident man, a courageous man, a gentle man, an amazing father and most importantly, a man who loves the Lord.  When Uncle Billy kept the word “obey” in our original vows....we all laughed. It has taken me sometime to understand why he kept it...You are the head our family and I am the heart...and we can’t survive without each other.  It takes a man who loves the Lord to be strong enough for his wife to submit to her husband. I finally get it! And I am honored. God gave me you. God gave you me.

I cried when I read these words. I meant them...but most importantly I understood them. The whole head of house and obey thingy...I had to pray about it and ask God to reveal to me what that all meant. It isn't about men being superior to women...it has nothing to do with that. In my opinion and how I feel God has revealed to me, is that it has to do with a woman feeling so secure in her marriage and loved that she submits herself to her husband so that they CAN become one flesh. He is the head and the wife is the heart. In Proverbs 31, when I read it I feel empowered! It is such an empowering passage. It shows that a wife can be anything she wants to be. To raise the kids, care for the house, work...and then have her husband praise her! As a wife and a mom we do it cause we want to...not be because we have to. Yes, our days get crazy and insane and balancing can become a bit overwhelming...but we love it! And our husbands...our husbands praise us for what we do! (even though they still leave the toilet seat up, don't pick up their socks...they praise us) We may not hear it like we would like to, but they do praise us...they are men of God.

I love my husband very much...to the point it hurts sometimes. Between his health issues and our financial issues, I cry when I can't help him or make things better. I hate seeing him in pain and worried over finances. But God continues to bless us over and over again!

A New Chapter! Whew!

I can't believe it has finally happened! I am finally gainfully employed! Yes I am! This would be where I would complain about how I need to re-arrange everything! But this time...I honestly can't! No, really I can't! This transition may just possibly be the smoothest ever!!! It is most likely because when I accepted this job, I prayed and prayed about it. I had to choose between two offers...and this is the one that God led me too. I feel like this opportunity has be divinely blessed and it is going to be great!

I have had to learn through other Sisters in Christ (SIC), that praying on EVERYTHING is soo important. Now you know me, I know I am covered in His Grace, however, sometimes I do forget to pray for things. Probably because I don't see it necessary. But to God wants me to pray about all things in my life. The enemy nips at my heals so much! One of my SIC has reminded me to do just that...pray pray pray. Another SIC made a very powerful statement that really hit home during all this "If it is meant to be God will find a way." Well...she was right.

My pastor just recently gave a sermon on finding time to spend with God...yes to pray all the time...but ACTUAL time with God. Scripture, prayer, devotional, whatever...I know I guilty of not doing that. But the most wonderful part of that is that God understands and gets it! He understands that I am so not perfect. I need to find time to be with God. He has blessed me with such an amazing opportunity. He deserves all the glory!  And I freely give it to Him!

God will be with me during the transition. I pray that others will see Christ in me while I am working with my clients and co-workers. I pray that God will continue to cover me in His grace while I continue to do His will on this earth! What an opportunity to serve God!

Schedule? Blog? Huh?...When?

Over two months?! Really? I can't believe that I haven't blogged for over two months. Have I been that wrapped up in my daily yuck that I haven't had a healthy outlet? I guess so!

My family is well into the whole kindergarten school thing now. We have all made friends and are doing our part in the scheme of things. I sometimes wonder where the time went with my Natalee. She is so big and is so grown now.  When she starts to tap dance on my last nerve by pulling me in several different directions at the same time...or wants me to lay down with her for a couple minutes when she is going be bed...or the simple act of taking her to school on my days off...I have to remember that there will be a time where she isn't gonna always want me around as much and when she does it will be in a different way.

I haven't mastered a schedule yet. I am getting better. But I definitely haven't mastered it. And to make things more difficult...that schedule is going to have to change...again. It really doesn't get easier, does it? You see, I have been offered a job.  It is an hour drive, in good traffic. I took the job. I took it because the other interview I went on (yesterday)  said it would take a few weeks to get back to me if I get a second interview.

So when it rains it pours!! I take the offer and start in 2 weeks! Yay! Not one hour later, I get a call from the first interview to come in for a second interview! What? This job is in my town! I really wanted this job in the beginning. But after the interview, I didn't think I was gonna get the job let alone a second interview. And bam!

Back on my knees!!! Back on my knees! What is God's will for me in all this? Where does He want me?  I have so much to weigh out. And I need God to guide me in this decision..when it arises...if it arises.

I have to remember the now- Right now I have a full-time job that I start in 2 weeks. Right now I have to hand in my resignation to my coffee shop. Right now I need to praise God in the gift of employment. If He plans for me to work at the other job...then He will make a way.

He will make a way, and He will guide me...in His Grace

School? Really? Already?

Oh my word! Natalee is starting Kindergarten in 4 days!!! That is why I haven't been around! Getting ready for the BIG day! I thought I was excited...I am! But this morning when we had to get up to "practice getting ready for school...my heart just swelled! My baby is growing up!  This is a very exciting time in her life. New friends, new "rules", new schedules! Yikes! But, when I was standing outside before work today, after they dropped me off, my eyes filled up and reality hit. She is going to school...very very soon.

I know I will deal with this better than Torrance. And he isn't afraid to say that he is going to miss her during the day. They are like two peas in a pod. The time that they have spent together have been memorable to say the least. She has full day kindergarten to top it off. Wow! Full day, right away!!  And she is going to have homework too! Sigh!  She is looking forward to her new adventures that she is going to have in kindergarten.  She has already told her teacher when her birthday is! She never ceases to amaze me!

I pray that God will cover her in His grace and help her to spread her wings, while protecting her. Gosh if I am this way with kindergarten, can you imagine high school...or even college?! I wouldn't trade any of this excitement for anything in the world! Being a mom is a hard job...yet soooo rewarding! So so rewarding!

Control Issues...ehh?

I am gonna take the time to pat myself on the back here! And I think I deserve it! Actually, I know I deserve it! The reward was awesome!

Last night, I had left Torrance the list of doctors he needed to call and my work schedule for the week. When I called him at lunch....not only had he made the appointments but he also started the process for his evaluation for physical therapy. I was not only floored, I was....relieved! I didn't have to do it. Not only did it take a load off of me, but it gave my husband SOMETHING to do to help himself. I know that might sound harsh, but I have been carrying HIS pain for so long and "taking care" of him...it was stressing me out...and it wasn't helping him.

With him and me suffering from depression, I was making it worse for both of us. I was overwhemled and I was making him feel like he had nothng to do but wait and wait and wait!! He needed to feel like he was in control of his health. I can't be. HE has to be! And he is capable of it!! I am such a caregiver that I was pushing my caregiving onto my husband. I didn't really give him much of choice when it came to his health. That is what became so overwhelming for me.

I was reading one of my many devotional books and this quote hit it on the head:
"I will refuse to enable, understanding that to enable is to cripple the one I love."
By doing what I was doing, I was crippling my husband. My "wanting", okay needing to help was probably making things worse.

I am not beating myself up here! Far from it! I am excited that I can recognize this and ask God to help me deal with this! What a great awakening for me! Praise the Lord for opening my heart to this! If anyone is really in control it is God! And apparently....I was wanting that job.

I get to move forward now! And I can do it by His Grace!