Control Issues...ehh?

I am gonna take the time to pat myself on the back here! And I think I deserve it! Actually, I know I deserve it! The reward was awesome!

Last night, I had left Torrance the list of doctors he needed to call and my work schedule for the week. When I called him at lunch....not only had he made the appointments but he also started the process for his evaluation for physical therapy. I was not only floored, I was....relieved! I didn't have to do it. Not only did it take a load off of me, but it gave my husband SOMETHING to do to help himself. I know that might sound harsh, but I have been carrying HIS pain for so long and "taking care" of him...it was stressing me out...and it wasn't helping him.

With him and me suffering from depression, I was making it worse for both of us. I was overwhemled and I was making him feel like he had nothng to do but wait and wait and wait!! He needed to feel like he was in control of his health. I can't be. HE has to be! And he is capable of it!! I am such a caregiver that I was pushing my caregiving onto my husband. I didn't really give him much of choice when it came to his health. That is what became so overwhelming for me.

I was reading one of my many devotional books and this quote hit it on the head:
"I will refuse to enable, understanding that to enable is to cripple the one I love."
By doing what I was doing, I was crippling my husband. My "wanting", okay needing to help was probably making things worse.

I am not beating myself up here! Far from it! I am excited that I can recognize this and ask God to help me deal with this! What a great awakening for me! Praise the Lord for opening my heart to this! If anyone is really in control it is God! And apparently....I was wanting that job.

I get to move forward now! And I can do it by His Grace!