Oh my word! Natalee is starting Kindergarten in 4 days!!! That is why I haven't been around! Getting ready for the BIG day! I thought I was excited...I am! But this morning when we had to get up to "practice getting ready for school...my heart just swelled! My baby is growing up! This is a very exciting time in her life. New friends, new "rules", new schedules! Yikes! But, when I was standing outside before work today, after they dropped me off, my eyes filled up and reality hit. She is going to school...very very soon.
I know I will deal with this better than Torrance. And he isn't afraid to say that he is going to miss her during the day. They are like two peas in a pod. The time that they have spent together have been memorable to say the least. She has full day kindergarten to top it off. Wow! Full day, right away!! And she is going to have homework too! Sigh! She is looking forward to her new adventures that she is going to have in kindergarten. She has already told her teacher when her birthday is! She never ceases to amaze me!
I pray that God will cover her in His grace and help her to spread her wings, while protecting her. Gosh if I am this way with kindergarten, can you imagine high school...or even college?! I wouldn't trade any of this excitement for anything in the world! Being a mom is a hard job...yet soooo rewarding! So so rewarding!
Monday, August 15, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
Control Issues...ehh?
I am gonna take the time to pat myself on the back here! And I think I deserve it! Actually, I know I deserve it! The reward was awesome!
Last night, I had left Torrance the list of doctors he needed to call and my work schedule for the week. When I called him at lunch....not only had he made the appointments but he also started the process for his evaluation for physical therapy. I was not only floored, I was....relieved! I didn't have to do it. Not only did it take a load off of me, but it gave my husband SOMETHING to do to help himself. I know that might sound harsh, but I have been carrying HIS pain for so long and "taking care" of him...it was stressing me out...and it wasn't helping him.
With him and me suffering from depression, I was making it worse for both of us. I was overwhemled and I was making him feel like he had nothng to do but wait and wait and wait!! He needed to feel like he was in control of his health. I can't be. HE has to be! And he is capable of it!! I am such a caregiver that I was pushing my caregiving onto my husband. I didn't really give him much of choice when it came to his health. That is what became so overwhelming for me.
I was reading one of my many devotional books and this quote hit it on the head:
"I will refuse to enable, understanding that to enable is to cripple the one I love."
By doing what I was doing, I was crippling my husband. My "wanting", okay needing to help was probably making things worse.
I am not beating myself up here! Far from it! I am excited that I can recognize this and ask God to help me deal with this! What a great awakening for me! Praise the Lord for opening my heart to this! If anyone is really in control it is God! And apparently....I was wanting that job.
I get to move forward now! And I can do it by His Grace!
Last night, I had left Torrance the list of doctors he needed to call and my work schedule for the week. When I called him at lunch....not only had he made the appointments but he also started the process for his evaluation for physical therapy. I was not only floored, I was....relieved! I didn't have to do it. Not only did it take a load off of me, but it gave my husband SOMETHING to do to help himself. I know that might sound harsh, but I have been carrying HIS pain for so long and "taking care" of him...it was stressing me out...and it wasn't helping him.
With him and me suffering from depression, I was making it worse for both of us. I was overwhemled and I was making him feel like he had nothng to do but wait and wait and wait!! He needed to feel like he was in control of his health. I can't be. HE has to be! And he is capable of it!! I am such a caregiver that I was pushing my caregiving onto my husband. I didn't really give him much of choice when it came to his health. That is what became so overwhelming for me.
I was reading one of my many devotional books and this quote hit it on the head:
"I will refuse to enable, understanding that to enable is to cripple the one I love."
By doing what I was doing, I was crippling my husband. My "wanting", okay needing to help was probably making things worse.
I am not beating myself up here! Far from it! I am excited that I can recognize this and ask God to help me deal with this! What a great awakening for me! Praise the Lord for opening my heart to this! If anyone is really in control it is God! And apparently....I was wanting that job.
I get to move forward now! And I can do it by His Grace!
Whew! What a day!
Unfortunately, my husband is still in pain. But I have to say, I am very proud of how he is coping with it! Good news is...he gets to make all the appointments as needed for tomorrow and he gets to schedule PT too. I am not feeling too optimistic about PT cause it is for his back and not his hip...but we know that certain parts of the body affect other parts of the body. So fingers crossed!
Pops and Sue came over this evening for dinner! I love it when Sue brings dinner and I cook it! My in-laws are amazing. Torrance was able to sit through dinner and visit awhile as well. So there are some good things! Natalee was just thrilled to her grandparents tonight!
So I have started a new adventure....a second Blog! Yep! I did!
http://pcosdawnie524.blogspot.com
It just felt so right to do! And the support I get from all of you that read this....God only knows how many women with PCOS I can reach and support...not to mention get support from. There is a link on this blog as well to get there. I encourage you to tell other women you know that has this yucky thing, to follow my blog and start a conversation or leave a comment. I am excited!
In closing, Sue and I were talking this afternoon before they came over this evening...and she said EXACTLY what I was feeling at that moment. It was kinda eerie...."Well Dawn, I am gonna let you go I gotta get rid of some this clutter, right now it is the only thing I can control." WOW! Since I have dealing with the control part of Torrance's pain, that really hit me. I am not sure if you understand what I mean...but I needed to share it with you!
3 things that I am grateful for today:
1- Internet Access
2- Pops and Sue
3-The Crystal Light Ice Tea that Sue brought me! I was out!
They may seem small...but I gotta give Glory to God when I have these things!
By His Grace....I have to work tomorrow!
Pops and Sue came over this evening for dinner! I love it when Sue brings dinner and I cook it! My in-laws are amazing. Torrance was able to sit through dinner and visit awhile as well. So there are some good things! Natalee was just thrilled to her grandparents tonight!
So I have started a new adventure....a second Blog! Yep! I did!
http://pcosdawnie524.blogspot.com
It just felt so right to do! And the support I get from all of you that read this....God only knows how many women with PCOS I can reach and support...not to mention get support from. There is a link on this blog as well to get there. I encourage you to tell other women you know that has this yucky thing, to follow my blog and start a conversation or leave a comment. I am excited!
In closing, Sue and I were talking this afternoon before they came over this evening...and she said EXACTLY what I was feeling at that moment. It was kinda eerie...."Well Dawn, I am gonna let you go I gotta get rid of some this clutter, right now it is the only thing I can control." WOW! Since I have dealing with the control part of Torrance's pain, that really hit me. I am not sure if you understand what I mean...but I needed to share it with you!
3 things that I am grateful for today:
1- Internet Access
2- Pops and Sue
3-The Crystal Light Ice Tea that Sue brought me! I was out!
They may seem small...but I gotta give Glory to God when I have these things!
By His Grace....I have to work tomorrow!
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