The Longest Two Weeks

I have survived the longest 2 weeks! God has definitely carried me! He has used His earthly angels and sent messages to His people to comfort and support me! I do believe in Divine intervention. Cause He intervened! 

I have had to learn some hard truths and I have had to go back in time and do a lot of reflecting and praying. You see I am an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. I have been to many many meetings and I have my Alanon materials and books. I am a Christian and I have been baptized and saved. I kept asking God to help me through these trials of my husbands pain and depression. On my knees every night! Praying for Torrance to have relief from his pain. Praying for God to give me strength to make it through the day. I was exhausted. The only things that were constant in my life two weeks ago was God, work, and Torrance's pain. I couldn't do it anymore. I just couldn't.

I called my mom. And in a true mom fashion, she through through the "brick in my face" that I needed. Long story short...I was carrying Torrance's pain for him. I was trying to cure something that I had no control over. Alanon is a LIFE program. While my faith in Christ is strong, I have thrown my Alanon program out the window. She basically told me to apply my Scripture to my program....the aha moment I was looking for.
It couldn't of come at a better time. A few days later, Torrance was admitted to the hospital with severe hip pain and it was inducing panic attacks. 

While he has been discharged, without a reason for the pain, and treated for his anxiety and depression, I am less stressed and less depressed because I had to re-learn how to Let Go and Let God! And how to take it One Day at a Time. Remember my 3 C's. To HALT. I have learned all over again to read my daily Alanon books along with my Bible. To look to God in my scriptures and apply it to my Alanon program...after all it "how we understood Him".

As a write this, Torrance is in a lot of pain. While I empathize with him, I am not in pain for him or with him. God has blessed me with this Program. I just needed a reminder. My time with God has changed again. I am no longer begging for Torrance's freedom of pain. I am thanking God for the pain-free moments and to release him from the pain to a comfortable quality of life until doctors can figure out what is wrong. I am praying for wisdom again to discern His will for me.

I had to learn not to feel guilty. I had to learn how to take care of me again...that included my depression, my battle with PCOS. As I have told others, I am useless to anyone if I am not healthy. I am a believer in Mind, Body, and Spirit (Faith). I need to take care of each of those each day! For me. And only me.

Has there been road blocks? Has the devil tried to trick me back to my "stinkin thinkin"? Sure! But I can deal with it more effectively than before. I have even looked into Adult Children meetings again. I had to. I believe that God had put not just my mom but other friends of mine in my way these weeks to remind me that I am suppose to always Let Go. Just let go! His Grace will cover me!